The ONE

Net and I dated for about 7 mths before he proposed to me and this dec, we will be together for 1 year. When I disclosed news that im getting married, many of my friends were surprised that we are planning marriage so soon. I always tell them: you don't need 2-3 years to know if the person is the one for you. if he/she is not the one, even if you are together for years doesn't make a difference cause he/she still will not be the one you want. If a person will change for you, he/she will do so within the first few months. If he/she is not willing, they will still be the same after 10 years.


But how to know if your partner is the one? When I went for Hanxuan 老师’s POV, a couple told me that they wanted to know if their partner is the one for them. And that's when I realised how do we know if our partner is the one for us. In the past when someone asked me how do I know if net is the one? I told them, you will just know. You will feel it. I couldn't put it better in words then, but now I do.


How do I know that net is the one??
Well, actually I do not know. When we first started, I wasn't even sure if I wanted a committed relationship. After getting in and out of the love game (I broke several hearts, and my heart was broken several times as well), I was really tired of having to go through the process of having to get to know someone, then realised that he is not what I expected to be, and all the quarrels and finally the break up. Net’s entrance into my life is actually totally unexpected cause the last thing I wanted back then was to get myself trapped with yet another relationship. Though I was happy when I was with him, but at the back of my mind I was always thinking: are we going to work out? Is he serious about me? Should I be committed or should I treat this as a non committal relationship? Hence, I didn't even dare to introduce him as my bf. When he sent me off to the airport, I introduced him as my “friend”.


With these questions in mind, I went to Taiwan for my 1st POV with Hanxuan老师. During one of the group exercises, I shared with my group that I think a relationship is a hindrance and will trap me of my freedom and time. I also shared that I don't know whether Net is the one for me. My group leader told me that I first have to make a commitment to the truth, to Net, to true love. And when I am committed, when I get back to Singapore, I will find my true love waiting for me, the person may or may not be net. If net is not the one, then my true love will appear. But I first have to have the willingness to make a commitment. And at the same time, I will not be trapped by the relationship. Instead, I will enjoy true freedom. I also realised why I never had happy relationships in the past because I have fear of intimacy, fear of commitment and lack of self worth. So when my relationship gets too good, or too close for comfort, I will do something to destroy it cause I feel im not good enough and to keep a safe distance.


And how true it is. When I came back to Singapore, I somehow just knew that Net is the true love for me, the one for me. In net’s words, he felt I wasn't committed to the relationship before I went Taiwan, but he decided to give me some time. And when I came back from Taiwan, he felt so much love from me, and that was when he felt that I was truly committed to the relationship. :)


If not for POV, I think I wouldn't dare to commit to him and eventually he will leave me cause he don't feel my commitment, or we will end up as flings. Haha.


So how do we know if our bf/gf is the one for us? First, we have to commit ourselves to the relationship. Do not expect your partner to commit first. We have to first commit. He/she will feel the difference when you are committed and if they are the one, they will commit too. If not, then the 2 of you will part on a good note, and your true love will come eventually. :)


For net and I, I think most importantly, we are both committed to our own healing and like with this, I am not afraid of anything that comes our way because no matter what big storm or big wave approaches us, we know all we need to do is to search within ourselves and heal. :)