the story of net and clari...

Last night, net and I were discussing about our relationship 10 years ago. Yes, as many of you may have known, we dated once in 1996, when we were still donning BDS uniforms... Every time we talked about our relationship then, we’d laugh. Sometimes we think that god up there is playing a trick on us and decided to let us go one big round before we found each other again. But no matter what, we thanked god for letting us meet again. We thanked god for putting us through all the ordeals we went through in the past 10 years so that we will be ready for each other when we meet again. We thanked god for letting us meet at the right time. Had we met 1/2 a year earlier, I think non of us would be ready to commit in a relationship. :)


Most of our sec sch friends will already know our story. one of net’s friend, after hearing our story, commented that it is like a romantic korean drama serial. So I have decided to document our story down, in as much details as I can remember... (warning: this is a long long post)


**way back into 1996, in the classroom of sec 4A of BDS**

1 week after the release of the ‘O’ level results, news has been spreading that our class might have some new students. Some ex-students might be coming back to re-study their O levels in school and will be posted to our class. And true enough, about a week later, we have 2 new classmates, bert and net.


Before they joined our class, I already knew the both of them by face and name but we never really spoke. Bert was because he stayed near me and I see him on the way to school every morning. Net was because he used to be a prefect and he was quite notorious then. Keke. :)


So they were in our class for a few months and I still seldom spoke to them especially net, cos we were sitting at different ends of the class. Didn't pay take too much interest in him as well until one day after school, EQ and I were at my place....


Me : I think my life is very dull and boring. Must find some excitement.
EQ : what excitement you want?
Me : I wanna find someone to 暗恋. The trills of secretly liking someone and trying to let the pereson be attracted to you. But who should I 暗恋??


So EQ and I went through a detail screening for a list of candidates that I can 暗恋.

EQ : what about net?? He is a good choice.
Me : Hmmmmm...


And so my project 暗恋 begun...

I started to find chances to talk to him more. During physics lessons (where he is sitting behind me), I’d pretend not to understand how to do the experiment or what Mr P was teaching and turn behind to ask him. EQ also at the same time helped me fished for his information (like was he attached at that time, his phone number). Sometimes we’d call him out on the pretext of studying for our prelims together.


Over time, what started out of fun became real and I was really infatuated with him. I remember there was one day I was at EQ’s place and I was flipping through a magazine and there were some features on wedding gowns.

Me : wah, so pretty!! I wanna get married!!
EQ : to who??
Me : 我要结婚了 but 不是嫁给你!!
EQ : haha. I know to who

I actually forgotten about the above scenario till recently, when I was flipping through the style wedding magazine with net, looking for a nice gown. And I smiled to myself thinking, all these must be pre destinied. :)


And so months later of trying to get him to notice me was successful! I remembered one fine day I was telling him that I wanted to go to the interchange to buy some furry hair ribbon (that was the trend then) after school and he offered to go with me!! And so off we went after school and he even sent me home after that. Was that our first date? I think so. And from there, gradually we became a couple, or we go steady. Hahaha. We’ll meet up to study for our ‘O’ levels together, and we’ll be on the phone every night. When I went 1st mths in SRJC and he started working, he would pick me from school whenever he can.


We were together for about 7 mths. We broke off just before we entered poly. And that was when we ceased contact of each other. Occasionally i’d hear news about him from some of our common friends but that is just it. Even when we bump into each other in poly, i’d pretend I didn't see him. And when we see each other in gatherings, the most we’d say: hi and bye.


Until Seng and Yilin’s ROM. We didn't speak to each other initially. It was only during lunch, we were seated at the same table, and we started chatting and suanning each other. Then the guys planned have a part 2 celebration that night at MOS. So in MOS, under the influence of alcohol, we chatted more and laughed more and played all the silly games. He initially wanted to go off halfway to join his friends at MOMO. I persuaded him to stay and he did. :) when we finally left the club, he offered to send us home. I was the last to drop off and before he left, we exchanged numbers.

Net : im having a headache
Me : are u ok? Still can drive? You should have gone home straight.
Net : no problem. :) sms me when u are home ok?
Me : I don't have your number.
Net : its 9XXXXXXX. Remember to sms me ah.
Me : see first lah. Anyway don't worrt lah. I more worried about you.
Net : you not giving me your number?? Though I still remember your house number.
Me : don't bluff.
Net : really. Its 6XXXXXXX right?
Me : my god. Ur memory is really good!! Ok, my number is 8XXXXXXX.


And with that, I left his car and we began to sms each other frequently till one day I asked if he has msn and we started msn-ing each other.


Then we went for our first date at marina for dinner, then to vivo city for movie. during the dinner, though the place we dined wasnt a vegetarian joint and he could have ate meat, he took vegetarian with me. after we finished the food, i went to the ladies and when i went back, he told me we can go anytime. i asked him to ask for the bill first and he told me he has settled the bill (which i felt is a very gentlemanly gesture). After the movie we chatted in his car all the way till 4am. 2nd date to hougang to eat ramen. Then he had to go australia for 1 mth. While he was there we chatted on msn almost everyday. Sometimes I’d purposely stay in office to wait for him to come online. Waiting for him to log on at 5+pm is like a daily activity. Till he was back in Singapore and because he was clearing his leave, he offered to send me around to run errands. 1st time was to tampines, where I tried to get my camera repaired at best denki. But because best couldn't do it and so I had to bring my cam to panasonic building. And so on the 21st Dec, I took half a day leave to run errands and he very kindly offered to be my chauffer for the day. We went around Singapore and not once did he complain. I just told him where I want to go and when I was busy with my errands, he just waited patiently. Sometimes I just asked him to wait for me and I dissapered and not a single word from him. Seriously, I was very touched. :)


After running around singapore for half a day, we were tired and decided to go catch a movie to rest our tired legs. After movie, we had dinner and he asked me to join him with his friends at clark quey. I was in 2 minds, but eventually agreed cos he said: if you come with me, I can tell them that you need to go off early and I need to send you home and we can leave early cos if I were to stay, they will make me drink alot.


So we went to the pub together and his friends were surprised (from the look on their faces I can tell) that he brought a lady along. They were playing games and drinking. We were sitting on the sofa and cos I dun want to sit so near his friend, I sat closer to him. And he placed his arm around me, as if to tell his friend not to get too close to me. Haha. When we left at around 1am, on the way to get the car, he held my hand. And the rest, like they say, is history.... :)




The end

achievements...

Last weekend, we were asked to write the numbers 1 to our current age (for me its 1 – 27) vertically, on a blank piece of paper. And then beside every number (age), we are supposed to write down our achievements, or anything that happened that made us happy or felt good. This was the first time I did an exercise like this and for the first 5 mins, I can only write 2-3 events. My mind was blank, I never achieve anything much in my whole life. Much less to say 1 for every year. That's tough. Even at the end of the exercise, most of my years were blank.


Seeing that how most of us had difficulty in doing the exercise, Yanni jie then told us that we are always so hard on ourselves. We feel that we will need to accomplish something very great in order for it to be considered an achievement. And we always forgotten all the good things that happened in our lives. But if we were to write all the bad things or mistakes we had in our lives every year we can write 3 pages long. Haha. How true. But in fact, every little thing that we achieved is an achievement!! (like dating 2 girls at one go... Well, that's an achievement... Not everyone can do that... keke)


And when we were sharing our achievements later, we all had a good laugh. When we start to look at things from a different angle, we realised that life is not as bitter or bad as we keep thinking it to be.


I think this is a very good exercise. Especially for me cause I used to always think Im quite a failure as in all my life, I have never excelled in anything, I did not win any medals, my school results were horrible. But after this exercise I realised that hey, im not that bad after all. So I decided to complete this exercise. And if you have the time, try it too!! You will feel different after completing. :)


1 – I can walk
2 – I can talk
3 – I always get ice cream treats from big aunty
4 – mummy’s friends all say that im cute!! They say I look like 林青霞
5 – got my first barbie doll (I can still remember its called day n night barbie)
6 – learnt how to do gongyo (the front part)
7 – I was chosen to play the lead role in my kindergarden graduation play
8 – walked home from school myself
9 – learned how to swim
10 – participated in my school’s story tell competition and got 2nd prize for 3 consecutive years (guessed who was first prize)? / was chosen to play the lead role (princess) in my school play
11 – chosen to be the narrator for my school play (im the only P5 student while the rest are all P6 students)
12 – was my form teacher’s pet (while others have to stand for forgetting to bring their books, I received no punishment)
13 – took part in SEA games opening ceremony performance / took part in chingay procession
14 – I got the most flowers on valentines day in school / My band participated in the SYF outdoor com and we got bronze / went to Sarawak with my band for performance / got into best class
of the level
15 – represented school in inter school chinese recital competition / chosen to host my school’s CNY competition / promoted to play 1st clarinet / got into best class of the level
16 – managed to get net to go after me (yes, we were together once 10 yrs ago... But this is another story by itself) / got my music badge in band / promoted to staff surgent in my band
17 – started my first tution stint / paid for my poly school fees myself / retook my o lvl english and got B3 (from D7 to B3)
18 – bought my first pager with $$ I earned and paid for the bills myself / first and last time I went to a night club (yes, those with gals and mummy one!!)
19 – finished watching jap serial G.T.O in less than 1 week / finished reading 2 comic books in a day
20 – bought my first HP / got my first FT job pay cheque / got my diploma / got full collection of Mc Donalds Hello Kitty
21 – participated in NDP / was cleared for CAT A security / got drunk on Vodka cranberry
22 – 1st time 1 bet world cup and won $$ / got involved with a violent person and I managed to tame him down
23 – did sales and managed to increase sales volume of my company / boss got a personal assistant to help me out
24 – changed job and boss offered to increase my pay by 30% to make me stay / someone committed suicide for me
25 – 2 man fought (I mean real fighting ok) over me at a pub / won free HP by nominating sis in most beautiful mum to be contest / sent my pic to a CLEO contest and got shortlisted but I didn't go for the audition
26 – attended SCS / got into Arete in my first interview / became GC 2 weeks after I decided to do the biz / someone offered to give me $500 just to kiss me / QQ attended SCS / met net again (got him to go after me again) / went Taiwan for POV
27 – getting married / received my first GIVE bonus / sponsored mummy and daddy to POV with sis / EQ attended SCS


So you see, life’s quite good and exciting after all!! :)

thankfully for POV

If we have not met POV, I would have threw my ring back at him and ran off last night... At least that's what I will do in the past...


But because we understood what is happening is a reflection of our inner self, what we are feeling is to cover our fear, I am able to feel my feelings, and feel his feelings and together, we took a step forward towards interdependence, towards oneness.


Thanks, POV... I know this is god’s way of letting me discover the fear in me so I can heal myself. And I am grateful. :)


And I love you, baby... I re-choose you again, and commit myself to love you unconditionally.

Thanks Zhiqing

Last weekend was Zhiqing’s 2 days POV workshop. During the last POV by Hiromi Senseh, during one of the processes involving a husband and wife, I made a decision that I want to bring daddy and mummy to attend POV. I discussed with sis, and we decided to bring them for Zhiqing’s POV. And we were so glad we did.



the Peng family @ POV....

Daddy and mummy is not what I will term a loving couple. Though i’ve never seen them quarrel before, in these 27 years of my life, I’ve never seen them hold hands, hug or say I love you to each other. When they go out together, usually one of them will walk in front and the other behind.


And during that 2 days POV, for the first time in my life,

I hear daddy calling mummy 老婆

I hear mummy calling daddy 老公

I hear daddy saying “I LOVE YOU” to mummy

I hear mummy saying “I LOVE YOU” back to daddy

I see them holding hands.

I see them hugging each other.



mummy looking very 幸福小女人


I guess sis was just as touched and happy as I am to witness all these. And initially we thought daddy will be bored during the workshop but he looks so happy during the 2 days and even participated in all the activities actively with his small group and buddy.


I am happy. Very happy. The money spent on their course fees is worth every single cent. Thanks, Zhiqing. Both me and sis (read sis’s view of the POV here) are very grateful to you.


You know, its like this...


As children, the best thing you can do to make your parents happy is to lead a happy life. Its not how much we are earning, its not how many degrees we have, its not how high we climbed in our career. At the end of the day, nothing can make our parents more happy knowing their child is happy.


And as parents, the best way to let your children lead a happy life is to be happy!! When we as children see that you are happy, we will be happy too.


So u see, its a cycle.... Children happy --> parents happy --> children happy. So whether you are a parent or a children or both, you know what you should do... :)

sweetest surprise

Yes!! there are heaps I wanted to update but I have got no time to do so!!


18 July 2007

Mr sum see see knew that I sensed he has something up his sleeves (and he read my blog), so he beat me to it by planning the surprised the day before. And I was really really surprised caused it happened when he picked me up from work at 9pm (I was doing OT, so I was super tired, famished, stressed up and frustrated and the only thing that I can think of is to go have a good dinner and then go home sleep). So I really didn't expect him to pull a stunt on that day.


So... Something that I have been wondering for more than 2 decades of my life finally happened when I least expects it to... That most important few minutes of my life, which will determine how the rest of my life will be... And when I recovered from the shock, excitement and over whelmed, everything is over... :)



my destinee :)


We still had our dinner on Thurs, at IlLido. We were seated at the alfresco dining area, overseeing the sky and the sea. The food was fabulous. Must try the deep fried zulchini flower and their warm chocolate cake. Its heavenly. The best I have ever tasted. The service was good as well. The waiter is very friendly. He commented that I look 22!! Haha! Despite the good food and excellent service, I thought the bill was rather pricey. The whole dinner cost a whooping $250 for the 2 of us. Well, but I guess once a while we must indulge in the finer side of life. :)





this picture dont do justice to the warm chocolate cake at all but the pure thought of the taste makes me salivate... warm chocolate oozing out from the cake... ooohhhhh...


And I thought there will be no more surprises since the cat was out of the bag the day before. But I still had a sweet surprise when he excused himself to go to the gents (and I was wondering if he got stuck in the toilet bowl cos he was away for such a long time) and appeared with his laptop in hand and placed it infront of me, and asked me to click “play”. And a beautiful montage began to play. Keke.



cheers!!


And that, was how we celebrated our monthly anniversary. :)

make a difference

I used to think that I am just another girl living on planet earth. I will just spend my life studying, working, most probably get married, have kids, fall sick and die. I never thought that I can make any difference to anyone except probably my parents. With me or without me, there is no difference. Maybe just one less person on earth vying for fresh air with all the rest.


That was about 1.5 years ago.


Then I found what I want to do in life, and found what gives me happiness. I realised that we do not need to do something really great (like donating millions to charities like warren buffet) in order to make a difference to others life. Every small action we take, counts. Like im a vegetarian and I know how meat is not so good for our bodies. I do not need to my friends to become a vegetarian like me, but I share with them what I know and they take lesser meat or least every time they eat with me they eat vegetarian with me as well. With this, its better for their health and also I saved some animals! In this 1.5 years that I have turned vegetarian, I have probably saved god knows how many chickens!! :)


But what happened during last sat during SNC really hit me. Net’s sis came and hug me and she told me: thank you for changing my brother’s life. Without you, he wouldn't have changed and our family wouldn't have changed. And I was really really very very touched and very very happy (of course, during SNC there were other happenings and people that touched me. Those at SNC with me you know who you are).


I didn't do anything much. I brought net to have his iris scan to understand more about his health, he took better care of his health and bought his sister for the iris scan, and she too began to be more aware of her health. Through me, net got to know Dreams Inc and attended SCS, where he found his goals and dreams and in the pay it forward movement, he got his sister to attend SCS and now they are both moving towards their ideal life and their family bonding got closer as well. :)


Im not trying to make myself sound very 伟大, I just wanna say don't belittle ourselves, don't think that we cannot make a difference. We can. By just changing Net’s life, I have helped change his whole family. Its like a rippling effect, it spreads out. So don't think that there is nothing you can do to make this world a better place. Just give help and love to the people around and you are already making a difference, no matter how minute or insignificant the actions may seems now. :)


And this is exactly what I call Pay It Forward. We all just need to Pay It Forward, and really, together, we can make the world a better place to live in.

Ace called me again!!

Ace called me again!! This time, he called me ah yee loud and clear, not like the past, where he will just say yeeeee (which sounds like ” eeeeeee” yucks).


Happened few nights ago, I was in the room chatting with mummy while waiting for a very active ace to fall asleep. He was so active that he was rolling around, climbing around, and knocking his head around. His favourite action is to slump himself on mummy’s already very flat tummy. And when he was slumping himself on mummy, mummy said: OUCH!! And he happily repeated what mummy has said, ouch, ouch, ouch.


So I told him: ace, say ah yee, ah yee, ah yee. And he really repeated after me loud and clear, AH YEE. Haha. So I asked him to say ah yee again, and he did again!!


Upon seeing this, mummy quickly joined in and said: ace, say wai po, po po... He kept quiet.


Mummy, never giving up, tried again: ace, say po po... Po po... Ace kept quiet for about 5 seconds, and then he started rolling around again and saying: neh neh neh. Mummy was DL but I think she got used to it already lah. Haha.


I told mummy, 同人不同命, 羡慕不来的!! Haha. waiting for the day ace will come and tell me: ah yee, 带我去玩!! or ah yee, 你是最棒 的!!

Celebrate SUCCESS!!

My mentor, Rich said that most asians have this problem. We don't celebrate success. We work very hard, and when we achieve our goal, we treat it as 理所当然, and we set a next goal and we cheong again. We don't celebrate our success, no matter big or small. And that is why over time, we tend to feel tired, burned out and drained out. Cause we just keep fighting, but they forget to celebrate.


Everyone needs encouragement and support to propel to greater heights. Just like ace, when he done something he is proud of, like when he first started learning how to walk, after every baby step he took, he will turn to us and clap his hand, initiating us to clap our hands and praise him for being such a clever baby. And with our encouragement, he will take the next baby step forward. If even babies like ace knows how to celebrate (by celebration here I don't mean it must be a grand party whereby one have to pop the champaign) each and every of his little achievements, what about adults like us? Have we forgotten how to do so?


celebrate success with RED!!

2 weeks ago, I celebrated my own small success. :) though the event wasn't as grand as the usual RR, and its just a small achievement on my part, but im happy because all my loved ones, the people who matters most are with there to share the joy with me. And they are all that matters. :)



the ones who matters most... :)



my comrades...


And after the event, where else do we go for celebration?? SUCCESS VEGETARIAN, with daddy, mummy, ah mah, sis, max, ace and net, of course!! There’s a reason why we love this eatarie sooooo much, other than the very yummy fried golden mushrooms that they served.


daddy & mummy... first time i see them take photo so intimate... heh...

Have yet to get myself the reward that I have promised myself, a pretty wallet. Have already set my eyes on one. When I got the time, I shall go make it my poccession. :) now on the way to achieve my next goal. And then I can get a laptop for myself, then a MAN (yes, if I hit that, its about time I get a man officially... Haha)!! Yay!!


And that is one BIG motivation. So... Onward we go!!!


congrats joven, liming and me!!

And remember to always celebrate your achievements, no matter big or small, ok?? If you need someone to celebrate with you, just let me know!! I’ll be more than happy to do so!!(provided there’s good food and drinks!!)

happyness

Finally went to watch the pursuit of happyness. It was a brilliant show. A MUST watch. I cried when chris gardner was chosen for the job. I seldom cry when watching shows but that part touched me. I can really feel his joy even when he was trying hard to suppress his tears. I was so happy for him, his hardwork and preseverance finally paid off.


Favourite quote of the movie:

Don't let anybody steal your dreams. They tell you you can’t because they themselves can’t achieve it.

After the show, net and I were discussing what we saw or learned from the show. To him, is the power of preserverance, never give up.


To me, I learned:

Whatever the mind can think of and believe, it will eventually become the truth.

The power of intent. How strong is your power of intent to succeed? What is your compelling reason to succeed? To Chris, it was his son and that's why though he worked lesser hours than his peers but he still emerged top. And it made me think, how strong is my power of intent? what is my compelling reason? what is my motivating factor? Is it strong enough, big enough?

We (myself included) all say we want happyness/success/wealth/love. But how much do we really want it? Do we all want it as badly as Chris in the movie? If the road to happyness/success/wealth/love means we have to go through a rough path like chris, how many of us will give up before we can see light? This reminds me of what Dr George has said in his Success FM CD. Having dreams are like giving birth to a child. When a mother is in labour, she will never give up halfway and say she dun wanna give birth anymore. She will endure the pain and continue pushing till the baby is born. And the more pain she feels, the more ecasty she will be cos she knows that it means that her baby is going to be born soon.

But a lot of us (me included), when we are giving birth to our dreams, we just give up half way because the labour pain is too much for us to bear. And hence, our dreams are never born, never materialized. A lot of times, we don't even dare to concieve our dreams because the people who gave up halfway told us how painful it is going to be and all and so so many of us don't even dare to dream, for the fear of pain.


I thought about what is it that I really want to pursue now. What is the one dream that by thinking of it, will make my heart pulse faster, by thinking of it will put a smile to my face and I cant wait for that day to come and as days pass, my desire for it to become a reality becomes stronger. And I have one. And this dream/goal of mine, I know I will not be striving for it alone. :)


I hereby declare that I commit to pursuit my own happyness and give birth to all my dreams. :) please go pursuit your own happyness and have the courage to give birth to your dreams as well.

i am the gift of love and flow

During Peter and Natalie’s POV (14 Feb), Natalie said that all children are a gift to their family, and asked us to think what gift we are to our family. After that session, sis said that ace is the gift of joy and she also asked mummy what gift she is and mummy told her she is the gift of joy.


Since I attended that POV, I have been thinking and thinking what gift I am to my family but I cant find an answer. I asked sis as well, what gift am I and she said: why u need to think so hard? Just go and ask mummy lah. And though I also said I wanna ask mummy what gift I am, I never got around to doing it because I feared:

What if mummy cant answer? Or
Mummy just come up with something nice so that I wont feel upset.


So I never got the courage to ask mummy what gift I am and I pondered over that question everyday. And Till 2 weeks later, on the 2nd day of Hiromi sinseh’s POV, after I told sis about what I experienced during the course which I finally understood why I never have the courage to ask mummy such a simple question. Because I felt a very strong sense of guilt towards daddy, mummy and sis. Daddy used to have his own business and our family was rather well to do. shortly after I was born (I cant remember what age I was), his business folded and he went to work in a factory. At that point of time, we were still quite well to do. Then subsequently, unfortunate things just happened one after another. daddy lost his car in malaysia, we were without a vehicle, our house got broke in, daddy’s coffee shop venture failed, he started to gamble and accumulated a huge amount of debts.


All these, I felt was because of me. I brought bad luck to the family. Since I was born, things just go downhill from bad to worse. And it is because of this strong sense of guilt that caused me to think that I am not worthy of any good things in life, im not worthy of success, im not worthy of love because I think I brought bad luck to my family. But of course I have let go of these thoughts after the POV to embrace an abundant life :).


After sharing with sis, later that night when we were home, sis told mummy about what I shared with her and asked mummy what gift I was to the family (much to my annoyance caused she never asked me beforehand!!). Mummy pondered for a moment and said: Qing was the youngest child in our family. So everyone doted and showered her with a lot of love. Even popo (my maternal grandma) also doted on her a lot cos when she was born, we were already living with popo. I think she is the gift of love. When mummy said that, I was in doubt of her answer. She must say something good right, so is she just saying this to make me feel good? I dunno. But I still don't feel that I am the gift of love.


Till on the following day of POV, during one of the activity exercise with sis... Looking into her eyes, I felt her sisterly love flowing to me. And it suddenly dawned to me that I am indeed the gift of love.


I remembered:

When I asked sis what gift I was, before she asked me to go ask mummy, she asked me: what gift do you think ace is to you? Having read her blog, I just logically answered: joy lor. Then she said, then you are the gift of joy as well cause what you can see in others, is a part of you.
But thinking deeper, ace is not just a gift of joy to me. Ace is the gift of love to me. Ace taught and showed me that I can, and is capable of loving babies. Before Ace, I always dislike kids. I find them irritating and noisy and I decided that I will not want to have any kids of my own. But after Ace came into our family, I realised that I am capable of giving so much love to him. I dun find him irritating even when he cries. And I even thought, if I have a child like Ace, I wont mind!! So Ace is the gift of love in my eyes, and so, I am and must be the gift of love.


When mummy was talking about how popo also doted on me more the night before, popo added: last time when you all go your ah mah’s house to stay every weekend, Qing will call home to talk to me. Seriously I don't remember a thing. That was like more than 20 years ago but popo still remembered. I think it must have meant something very close to her heart else she cant have remembered such little things. I must be the gift of love to popo.


And mummy, daddy, ah mah, yeye all doted on me a lot because I was the youngest child and grandchild as well. And they always give in to me simply because I was the youngest.


And sis also said, when mummy always bring me out to soka meetings, all the aunties and uncles always doted on me a lot, especially aunty Qingling (even when aunty qingling migrated to canada, she still sends me birthday cards and buy me birthday presents. And when she has frens coming back to singapore, she always have something for me), aunty Jenny, uncle Kenny, and also mummy’s old neighbours, aunty bin and family.


And the driver, he, like ace, is the gift of love to me too. So I am the gift of love as well. :)


With that exercise with sis, I finally confirmed that I am indeed the gift of love. And on that day during the course, we were each asked to choose a gift card. The gift card is a gift that we have within us, and we are to share the gift with as many people as possible. And I picked the card FLOW.

And this is the defination of the flow card:

Flow is about all good things coming to you as you move forward in effortless effort. Everything falls in your favour because you are in tune with the unfolding process of life. Flow includes good timing, expectancy, opportunity, luck and is full of ease. It is like a boat floating down a river, meeting good things around every bend.


So, I am the gift of love and flow. And I want to give these gifts of mine to all of you out there reading this post. Lets start embracing a life of abundance together. :)

POV

I think its about time I blogged about this...


As most of you might have already know, last December, I went to Taiwan to attend this course, called Psychology of Vision (POV for short).


I dun think many realised but I hit a slump end of last year. I was unhappy with a lot of things happened and I had a lot of frustrations and grouches inside me which made me feel trapped and angry with life. And the worst thing is I dunno what im frustrated or angry about!! I went into 逃避 mode. I made myself very busy, going places but im actually doing nothing. Nothing productive. On the outside I am still the normal smiley me, but inside, I wasn't happy at all. Very often when I reach home, I will lock myself alone in the room (on the reason that im tired and I don't want ace to mess up my room) cause even playing with ace is unbearable. And I dunno what I can do to get myself out of that depressed state. I’ve tried different methods but they only elevated my emotions temporarily.


Till I went for Dr George’s session at KL and saw Richie, who has just attended 4 days of POV. Richie looked different. He looks radiant, he looks full of love. His words, his actions all radiate love. It probably sounds exagerating or mushy in words but this is how I really felt and this is the best description I can put down in words. Rich told us that there will be a POV in Taiwan for 2 days and encouraged us to attend. I was in 2 minds initially. What can I gain from this course?


And only till the short session that I had with Rich after we returned to Singapore, did I made up my mind to go for the course. That was about 1 week later and 1 week before the course. Rich asked me what I am unhappy about and that sets me thinking seriously. What am I really unhappy about. And WHY. I knew what I was unhappy about. But I didn't know the root of it or what I should do. So I decided to attend POV, to get my questions answered.


When we first reached Taiwan and while waiting for nick and the rest at the airport, Rich gave us a preview of what to expect from the course. He told us it will be a boring course, and not to expect any ra ra. Seriously, I was a little scared inside. How will I react?? Will I be emotionless again?? I really don't know. But I decided not to think too much about it and just go with an open mind.


The first day of the course, when I saw 张老师, she is so loving, so full of love. Nick teared the moment he saw her. When the first focal point was chosen, when he was sharing his problem, I didn't feel a slightest trace of emotions. But when he was at the part where he was accepting his father, I broke down. I never realised that I actually am needing recognition from daddy. Although I know daddy loves me deeply with all the things he has done for me but he is never the type who will ask me how I am faring in school, what course I am studying. I realised that I actually yearned for this recognition, this love from him so much since I was a child, which contributed to my sense of self worthlessness. But I have to accept it and let go. Because its not daddy’s fault. He probably is looking for recognition too which is why he couldn't give me any. Ye ye probably never gave him any too.


All in all, throughout the 2 days of POV, when every focal point relate their problems, I always think: this one doesn't relate me. But I was always hit at certain point and was hit the most at the most unexpected part. Through that 2 days of POV, I learned so much about myself and I learned to let go so many things. By the end of day 2, I felt truly happy, truly free, like a 6 yrs old child. All my questions were answered and I understood know why I fear commitment, why do I keep attracting the same kind of people into my life, why do I fear success so much, why all my relationships always ends up unhappy, why do I keep rejecting love and what I am running away from. Of course to heal these takes time and effort. But at least now I know where the root of my problem is and how to heal it. And with this, I have promised myself to give unconditional love, and not to fear commitment and success anymore. And yes, my life has been improving ever since im back. :)


Sis says that my face used to look :( when I sleep. But after I came back from POV, one day she walked into my room while I was asleep she said I looked less un happy. And I also told her about me needing her recognition. Something which I never realised I did. But im glad I told her. Cos we shouldn't be shy to ask for help.


If you ask me what is the best course I’ve attended in my life so far, I will say its POV. Because once the soul is healed, there is nothing we cannot do or achieve. And that is the state of true happiness. Isnt that what everybody is looking for? Happiness??


Am going for another 5 days of POV this month. I Cant wait. :)

the sweetest sound

Yesterday I almost melted... Of happiness, of course... :)


Recently, Ace has a new favourite word and that is : BYEEEEE. When he wants you to leave, he will tell u byeeeee.... Before he goes to bed he will come to us and tell us byeeee... And he will wave his hand too. Very cute.


Yesterday, he pooed and sis was bringing him to the bathroom to wash his bon bon and he kept standing by the kitchen doorway and waved to mummy, max and me and kept saying byeeeee. So I told him: ace, since u can say byeeee so clearly, why dun you say yeeeeee?? And right after that, he said: yeeeee. Loud and clear!! :D :D :D Wah, happiness is me man. And I went over to hug him. And when sis pulled him away to bring him to the bathroom, he ran to give me a hug again. Wahseh, almost melted man. Cant wait for the day ace will tell me: ah yeee I love you. :D Ah yee loves you too, ace. Ah yee will love you unconditionally.


Im going to strike toto today!!. Keke.

little things that makes me smile... :)

Was on MC on monday as I was too tired to get out of bed suffering from quite a cough. Its such a pure joy to be able to sleep till 11am on a Monday morning. Sweeeet :)


Bought a new pair of track shoes on Saturday because my old pair of trainers was hurting my toes. Halfway through the combat class, my toes were really painful and I tell myself I have got to get a new pair of shoes!! Got it at $40 cheaper. :p


my pink adizero...

So preeeety... Bright pink colour somemore... I love it!! Best thing is I wore it to combat class yesterday and my feet dun hurt!! :D


Bought an orange tube dress yesterday as well. Was actually out accompanying sis shopping but ended up me buying a dress as well!!


I must seriously stop shopping... Have bought a camera, 2 dresses, 1 pair of track shoes this month. Not to mention my sibeh swee hp number... (oh ya, I have changed my hp number. Please email me or call my old number to get it from me if you still do not have it yet!!). And I still have tonnes of xmas presents to buy. And going to KL this weekend. Woohoo!!


Got my first b day present today!! From my XZ, my IT guy. A black mango purse. Very pretty!!

my first present... :D

Please click on the below link and vote for IZ reloaded... The only blog from Singapore!! C’mon guys, time to show some patriotism!!
http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_asian_blog.php

its the little things

Knocked off late (again) last night and so was feeling tired, coupled with a headache. On the way back, I called one lady who got Fibre Plus from me on my previous road shows. She was very cute.


I asked her if she tried the Fibre Plus and she said yes. So I asked her how she find? Did she shit (pardon the crudeness) more often and she gushed:

Yes, yes!! Now I go toilet to shit about 2 – 3 times a day!! Very smooth!! I felt my tummy become flatter le!! But I haven weigh. Im going to weigh myself this weekend. Thanks thanks!!


She was sooo happy that her tummy got flatter and happiness and excitement immediately affected me. I immediately felt charged up after the call. It feels good to know that I have helped one more person. :)


Sometimes, its these little things like these that warms my heart and makes my day. :)