Hey hey peeps, Happy Lunar New Year!! I had to most unwillingly drag myself out of bed this morning, after 4 days of fun and laughter and food and gambling. Yep, I had lots of fun, lots of food, lots of love (but not so much ang pows) this year. Definitely one of the best new years I ever had and I can already sense that the year of the boar is going to be a fantastic one for me. Always trust the 6th sense of a woman. Haha.
There are loads of stuffs that I wish to update but over time, they snowballed and I got more and more things that I wished to leave a mark here and in the end, I don't know where or how to start. So.... Where should I begin??
Lets start from 1 week back... To save the agony of my fingers (need to conserve their energy during this CNY period for greater events like mah jong, dai dee, bun luck).
13th n 14th FEB ~ POV
Another 2 days of POV. Before I attended the course, I wrote a list of questions that I want to be resolved during the POV and im glad that I have all the answers I am looking for. Mum, sis and max went for the course as well and im really glad they did cos mum, sis and I got so much closer.
On the 2nd day of POV, after one of the segment, I went to give mum a hug. We hugged for a very long time and I just cried and cried. I cried for not appreciating mum and not showing/telling my love and appreciation and gratitude for her. I always thought that by working hard, by giving her some monthly allowance, I have done my part of a filial daughter. I always argued that I have no time for her because im working so hard and its all for the sake of giving her a better life. Well, “technically” that is correct. And this is what most of us tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better that we have done our part. But is that what mummy wants? Is that how she felt appreciated? No. too many times we have been moulded to do the “right things” as prescribed by the society. And me too. I knew that ever since I 懂事, I have never hugged mummy before. So my first memory of hugging mummy was when I just attended SCS. and that POV was the 2nd time. On the first day of CNY, when I woke up, I saw mummy in the kitchen. Very naturally, we hugged each other and I wished her a happy new year. Again, this is the first time in the 26 27 year of my life that I wished mummy happy new year with a hug.
After wishing mummy, I went to daddy and gave him a hug from behind and wished him happy new year too. I don't know if daddy was shocked. Cos if I seldom show my love for mummy, then I showed even lesser of it to daddy. But I felt happy. In fact, the day after POV, before I went to work, I told daddy : thank you for taking the effort to make juice for me every morning. I said it loud and clear and im sure daddy heard it. But he didn't response and sort of like pretended he never hear it. Then he quickly picked up the box of FP on the table and told me he will take one box of FP from me and he hasn't been taking FP regularly.
When I told sis about what I did in the morning and how daddy reacted, she told me that dad was in a super good mood that day. :)
During the POV, during one of the exercise, I saw myself standing in a corner of an empty room, feeling very lonely and unhappy. And I was looking at myself from the outside. And that was when I realised how little I love myself all these while, how little love I give myself all these while. And if I cant even love myself, how do I give my love to others? And I also know why I am always doing things or making decisions that will hurt me or cause me pain. Because I don't love myself at all. And I promised myself that I will start to give myself love, shower myself with attention. I will set aside sometime for myself and just me and myself only to do whatever I want.
During the POV, I also finally let go of the guilt that I have been carrying in my heart all the while. The guilt that I felt towards certain relationships of my life. I knew they are there but I hid it to the bottom of my heart and locked it so that nobody can find it and I can continue to feign knowledge of their existence. And at this POV, I finally have unlocked them and left them at the seminar room. And it so happens that COINCIDENTALLY, mummy was sitting beside me during that segment. And when I was letting go of my guilt, she put her arms around me and kept petting my back. At that instance, I felt a warm force or energy, a warm force of light, of love passed to me. Yes, what can be stronger than unconditional love from a mother?
After the 2 days of POV, I walked out another new me. I felt closer to mummy, sis and max. I also felt closer to daddy, though he never attended the course with us. But I felt that I finally understood how he felt for the past 20 over years in his life. I used to be angry with him for his bad gambling habits, and blame him that it is because of him that our family cannot lead a better life. But I never once stood in his shoes and felt what he is going through till at POV. And I felt I shouldn't have blamed daddy or even be angry at him cause I finally understood what he was going through. And only at that instance, I am truly able to forgive him. With another set of baggage left behind at the seminar room, I am one step closer to the direction of true love.
My only regret is that daddy and net were not there to attend the POV with us. But nevertheless, I believe like what net says, there will definitely be a chance. :)
**
Went to do an
iris scan for myself on last Friday afternoon, after my company lunch. Let me digress a little. We had lunch the American Club. It was an 8 course lunch and my vegetarian dishes were served separately and surprisingly, the vegetarian food they served there was very nice!! Especially the vegetarian yu sheng. There are actually fried golden mushroom (my fav!!) inside the yu sheng!! And the appetizer dish was very nice also. I had steam dumpling and vegetarian gou bu li bun. It was super nice. I ate so much that by the 6th dish, I was already full.
After the lunch, I went to suntec to have my iris scanned. I scanned my iris once at the end of last year and my body was not as healthy as I hoped it to be. So I did a detox before the CNY and decided to scan my iris again when I ended my detox last Friday so that I can see the difference. And indeed, I can see the my colon is improving. The first time I scanned, it was very contracted. This time round, though my intestines are still contracted, but I can see that they have widened and even. Areas where were more infected by toxics were also lightened. Im glad to see that my body is improving for the better. :)
And this time, I lost 6KGs in 6 weeks from the detox!! Super happy!! Will be starting a post CNY detox with net in march cos I told him that I will do the detox together with him to support him or is it he accompany me. Haha. Anyway, after our detox in march, we will go scan our iris again.
**
I finally got one of the items from my
wish list!! :D :D A red I pod nano!! A very very very pleasant surprise although I already sort of guessed that I would be getting a nano. Keke. He asked me to guess what he got for me and I told him to give me some clues. He said I can ask him 3 questions and my 3 questions are:
Is it something that needs to be charged??
Is it something that I already have and am using but this one’s a newer, better and nicer version??
Is it red in colour, produces sound and I can use and carry it with me wherever I go??
Keke. Aint I smart?? ;)
**
Spent my entire sat (CNY eve) at home doing spring cleaning. My room and wardrobe is neat again. Im keeping my fingers crossed when it will get messy again.
During the process of my spring cleaning, I found some long lost items which I thought has disappeared from the face of the earth, I found some antiques which I think should be donated to the Singapore museum.
I did a count and I have 22 pairs of earrings (minus those that were lost and not so lucky to be found and those that I threw away) in total. Net was exclaiming why do I need so many pairs of earrings as I only have one pair of ears but I told him that I only had my ears pierced about 2 years ago and considering that I have 22 pairs of earrings only, I think its considered very little!! Cos on the average, I only buy a pair of earrings once a month! That is not a lot mah. Keke.
I’ll be re painting my room, still finalizing on the colours, and will be going down Ikea to get myself a clothes stand, a drawer cabinet, a full length mirror and if budget allows, a computer desk and study desk. Am thinking of getting wall papers to paste on the doors of my cabinet so that they can get a new look as well. :)
**
This should be enough updates. Will blog more when I have the time. :)
