POV

I think its about time I blogged about this...


As most of you might have already know, last December, I went to Taiwan to attend this course, called Psychology of Vision (POV for short).


I dun think many realised but I hit a slump end of last year. I was unhappy with a lot of things happened and I had a lot of frustrations and grouches inside me which made me feel trapped and angry with life. And the worst thing is I dunno what im frustrated or angry about!! I went into 逃避 mode. I made myself very busy, going places but im actually doing nothing. Nothing productive. On the outside I am still the normal smiley me, but inside, I wasn't happy at all. Very often when I reach home, I will lock myself alone in the room (on the reason that im tired and I don't want ace to mess up my room) cause even playing with ace is unbearable. And I dunno what I can do to get myself out of that depressed state. I’ve tried different methods but they only elevated my emotions temporarily.


Till I went for Dr George’s session at KL and saw Richie, who has just attended 4 days of POV. Richie looked different. He looks radiant, he looks full of love. His words, his actions all radiate love. It probably sounds exagerating or mushy in words but this is how I really felt and this is the best description I can put down in words. Rich told us that there will be a POV in Taiwan for 2 days and encouraged us to attend. I was in 2 minds initially. What can I gain from this course?


And only till the short session that I had with Rich after we returned to Singapore, did I made up my mind to go for the course. That was about 1 week later and 1 week before the course. Rich asked me what I am unhappy about and that sets me thinking seriously. What am I really unhappy about. And WHY. I knew what I was unhappy about. But I didn't know the root of it or what I should do. So I decided to attend POV, to get my questions answered.


When we first reached Taiwan and while waiting for nick and the rest at the airport, Rich gave us a preview of what to expect from the course. He told us it will be a boring course, and not to expect any ra ra. Seriously, I was a little scared inside. How will I react?? Will I be emotionless again?? I really don't know. But I decided not to think too much about it and just go with an open mind.


The first day of the course, when I saw 张老师, she is so loving, so full of love. Nick teared the moment he saw her. When the first focal point was chosen, when he was sharing his problem, I didn't feel a slightest trace of emotions. But when he was at the part where he was accepting his father, I broke down. I never realised that I actually am needing recognition from daddy. Although I know daddy loves me deeply with all the things he has done for me but he is never the type who will ask me how I am faring in school, what course I am studying. I realised that I actually yearned for this recognition, this love from him so much since I was a child, which contributed to my sense of self worthlessness. But I have to accept it and let go. Because its not daddy’s fault. He probably is looking for recognition too which is why he couldn't give me any. Ye ye probably never gave him any too.


All in all, throughout the 2 days of POV, when every focal point relate their problems, I always think: this one doesn't relate me. But I was always hit at certain point and was hit the most at the most unexpected part. Through that 2 days of POV, I learned so much about myself and I learned to let go so many things. By the end of day 2, I felt truly happy, truly free, like a 6 yrs old child. All my questions were answered and I understood know why I fear commitment, why do I keep attracting the same kind of people into my life, why do I fear success so much, why all my relationships always ends up unhappy, why do I keep rejecting love and what I am running away from. Of course to heal these takes time and effort. But at least now I know where the root of my problem is and how to heal it. And with this, I have promised myself to give unconditional love, and not to fear commitment and success anymore. And yes, my life has been improving ever since im back. :)


Sis says that my face used to look :( when I sleep. But after I came back from POV, one day she walked into my room while I was asleep she said I looked less un happy. And I also told her about me needing her recognition. Something which I never realised I did. But im glad I told her. Cos we shouldn't be shy to ask for help.


If you ask me what is the best course I’ve attended in my life so far, I will say its POV. Because once the soul is healed, there is nothing we cannot do or achieve. And that is the state of true happiness. Isnt that what everybody is looking for? Happiness??


Am going for another 5 days of POV this month. I Cant wait. :)