i am the gift of love and flow

During Peter and Natalie’s POV (14 Feb), Natalie said that all children are a gift to their family, and asked us to think what gift we are to our family. After that session, sis said that ace is the gift of joy and she also asked mummy what gift she is and mummy told her she is the gift of joy.


Since I attended that POV, I have been thinking and thinking what gift I am to my family but I cant find an answer. I asked sis as well, what gift am I and she said: why u need to think so hard? Just go and ask mummy lah. And though I also said I wanna ask mummy what gift I am, I never got around to doing it because I feared:

What if mummy cant answer? Or
Mummy just come up with something nice so that I wont feel upset.


So I never got the courage to ask mummy what gift I am and I pondered over that question everyday. And Till 2 weeks later, on the 2nd day of Hiromi sinseh’s POV, after I told sis about what I experienced during the course which I finally understood why I never have the courage to ask mummy such a simple question. Because I felt a very strong sense of guilt towards daddy, mummy and sis. Daddy used to have his own business and our family was rather well to do. shortly after I was born (I cant remember what age I was), his business folded and he went to work in a factory. At that point of time, we were still quite well to do. Then subsequently, unfortunate things just happened one after another. daddy lost his car in malaysia, we were without a vehicle, our house got broke in, daddy’s coffee shop venture failed, he started to gamble and accumulated a huge amount of debts.


All these, I felt was because of me. I brought bad luck to the family. Since I was born, things just go downhill from bad to worse. And it is because of this strong sense of guilt that caused me to think that I am not worthy of any good things in life, im not worthy of success, im not worthy of love because I think I brought bad luck to my family. But of course I have let go of these thoughts after the POV to embrace an abundant life :).


After sharing with sis, later that night when we were home, sis told mummy about what I shared with her and asked mummy what gift I was to the family (much to my annoyance caused she never asked me beforehand!!). Mummy pondered for a moment and said: Qing was the youngest child in our family. So everyone doted and showered her with a lot of love. Even popo (my maternal grandma) also doted on her a lot cos when she was born, we were already living with popo. I think she is the gift of love. When mummy said that, I was in doubt of her answer. She must say something good right, so is she just saying this to make me feel good? I dunno. But I still don't feel that I am the gift of love.


Till on the following day of POV, during one of the activity exercise with sis... Looking into her eyes, I felt her sisterly love flowing to me. And it suddenly dawned to me that I am indeed the gift of love.


I remembered:

When I asked sis what gift I was, before she asked me to go ask mummy, she asked me: what gift do you think ace is to you? Having read her blog, I just logically answered: joy lor. Then she said, then you are the gift of joy as well cause what you can see in others, is a part of you.
But thinking deeper, ace is not just a gift of joy to me. Ace is the gift of love to me. Ace taught and showed me that I can, and is capable of loving babies. Before Ace, I always dislike kids. I find them irritating and noisy and I decided that I will not want to have any kids of my own. But after Ace came into our family, I realised that I am capable of giving so much love to him. I dun find him irritating even when he cries. And I even thought, if I have a child like Ace, I wont mind!! So Ace is the gift of love in my eyes, and so, I am and must be the gift of love.


When mummy was talking about how popo also doted on me more the night before, popo added: last time when you all go your ah mah’s house to stay every weekend, Qing will call home to talk to me. Seriously I don't remember a thing. That was like more than 20 years ago but popo still remembered. I think it must have meant something very close to her heart else she cant have remembered such little things. I must be the gift of love to popo.


And mummy, daddy, ah mah, yeye all doted on me a lot because I was the youngest child and grandchild as well. And they always give in to me simply because I was the youngest.


And sis also said, when mummy always bring me out to soka meetings, all the aunties and uncles always doted on me a lot, especially aunty Qingling (even when aunty qingling migrated to canada, she still sends me birthday cards and buy me birthday presents. And when she has frens coming back to singapore, she always have something for me), aunty Jenny, uncle Kenny, and also mummy’s old neighbours, aunty bin and family.


And the driver, he, like ace, is the gift of love to me too. So I am the gift of love as well. :)


With that exercise with sis, I finally confirmed that I am indeed the gift of love. And on that day during the course, we were each asked to choose a gift card. The gift card is a gift that we have within us, and we are to share the gift with as many people as possible. And I picked the card FLOW.

And this is the defination of the flow card:

Flow is about all good things coming to you as you move forward in effortless effort. Everything falls in your favour because you are in tune with the unfolding process of life. Flow includes good timing, expectancy, opportunity, luck and is full of ease. It is like a boat floating down a river, meeting good things around every bend.


So, I am the gift of love and flow. And I want to give these gifts of mine to all of you out there reading this post. Lets start embracing a life of abundance together. :)